The fantasy genre and its associated aesthetic have been used repeatedly as a vehicle for musical storytelling throughout the history of music videos, particularly in the heavy metal and rock and roll genres. Everybody’s likely got a favorite. You’ve got classic examples like Holy Diver by Dio, Hall of the Mountain King by Savatage, and Metal Queen by Lee Aaron, and you’ve got both veteran and comparatively fresh faced bands like Van Canto, Blind Guardian, and Rhapsody of Fire, to name a few, who keep that musical spark alive to this day with their fantasy inspired videos and music.
You all may think your choice of music video is the best example of this trend, but the important thing to note about that whatever you picked, YOU’RE 100% WRONG. It’s a generally accepted fact that musical taste is subjective, but that outdated concept was violently thrown out the window like a 100 MPH fastball from Andre the Giant the very second the camera guy pressed the record button on the camera that filmed the most excellent fantasy themed music video ever made and made every other artist that’s ever existed look like a bunch of drooling baby idiots playing with Fisher-Price instruments. That music video is Shine on Me by Chris Dane Owens, which is probably a video you’ve never seen, paired with a song you’ve likely never heard, written by a guy who isn’t even a little famous. And when you watch the video, you’re not going to understand for the life of you why that is. If you haven’t seen it, watch it now and then continue to read this article. This is required viewing, class. There will be a test!
Some of you might have expressions on your faces right now like you just saw the face of God. Don’t worry, that’s natural. The human brain isn’t naturally accustomed to seeing this much awesome in that short amount of time. I’ll let you all collect yourself. As for the ones who have more robust constitutions and have already recovered, WAS THAT NOT THE GREATEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN?!
Let’s try and dissect this beautiful specimen, shall we? Every shot of this video literally explodes with over the top fantasy cheese. Its imagery and tone appeal to major fantasy buffs like me, but it’s also good and wholesome family fun. The kids and grandma will totally get a kick out of it, and they’ve never even heard of half of the fantasy titles the video might be pulling from. You got the main character, who’s played by Owens himself, who looks like a mix between Westley from The Princess Bride and Viserys Targaryen from Game of Thrones, horseback riding, a beautiful maiden, hot witches, cleavage, medieval body armor with abs, A LOT of chroma key, some dude who looks like Doctor Doom, sword fights, sparkles, stock footage of forests and mountains, frilly shirts, romance, dragons, castles, a swashbuckling pirate posse, a sleigh ride, mysterious magic books, battles at sea, shots of Owens singing the song and jamming on his electric guitar while his blonde hair flows freely from the off-camera fan, a reference to The Creation of Life by Michelangelo, more hot witches, ghosts, explosions, wolves, floating fire skeletons, cliff jumping, crystals, ice palaces, witches in catsuits bullet timing a throwing knife, something that looks like Stonehenge, a moonlit waltz, fireworks, and A GODDAMN ALLIGATOR (or a crocodile, I can’t tell the difference). What DOESN’T this music video have?!
“In the late ’90s and early 2000s I typically played the monster in alligator/crocodile horror movies, or I pitched in as a stunt double. Lake Placid, Black Water, Crocodile, Doctor Dolittle 2, stuff like that. Then one day in 2008 I got a call from my agent telling me about a part in a music video. I was a little apprehensive about it at first because it was so different from what I had done before. But I’m glad I took the job, because it really helped me to expand my career, and it was a blast to be apart of. Chris Dane Owens was one of the nicest people I’ve ever worked with, and the character he gave me was a joy to play with. He’s not your typical “rawr rawr” monster reptile, he’s a very reserved character, and is a refreshingly neutral party in the events that unfold in the video. Being apart of that production is what helped me get the main role in Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, which I consider to be the highlight of my career.” -Excerpt from Vanity Fair article: Interview with an Alligator.
As for the music itself, it’s also pretty kickass! The chorus is pretty tight and catchy, Owens has this cool whisper-singing voice like he had to record the song in a library, the song has this romantic Spandau Ballet, Limahl, and Meat Loaf-ish love ballad synthpop tone to it that I adore, and it is not shy with the electric guitar. I can’t tell how many guitars are being played at once in Shine on Me, but it feels like twice the necessary amount at maximum volume and funk, which would generally result in eardrum irritation, but because it’s Shine on Me, it works perfectly. Two guitars are fine, but multiply that by TWO at the ELEVEN DIAL?! NOW you’re cooking with gas!
If I had to give out one piece of criticism (and believe me, I had to do some serious soul searching to even consider giving this video any kind of critique), it’s that the story that the music video is trying to tell is nigh incomprehensible. It’s an epic fantasy adventure summarized in about four minutes, so every second is one random event or image after the other, with no apparent connection between any of them. But this is just a nitpick. I find it immensely entertaining to get thrown into this fantasy world that Chris Dane Owens cooked up with zero context and admire the chaos that unfolds in front of me. It’s not like you need any context to enjoy it. Do you need to watch the entirety of Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker to enjoy Smooth Criminal? Hell no! That song and video are fantastic in any context (I can’t quite say the same about the movie, but that’s a whole other article)! The same goes for Shine on Me. However, if you are in a desperate need to understand what this video is about, Chris has given a rough outline of the story he’s trying to tell in interviews, one of which I’ll post below.
Oh yeah, and did I forget to mention? There’s a sequel.
That’s right! Six years after Shine on Me exploded onto the internet, Chris birthed another music video from his beautiful brain that served as a direct sequel to Shine on Me called Light Speed. If you loved Shine on Me (what person with a functioning brain wouldn’t?), then you’ll love Light Speed just as much, if not more. Everything I said about the previous music video relates to this one as well, but there’s even more random awesomeness. There’s a sexy barbarian lady in a chainmail bikini, a sexy sorceress lady in a badass cloak, Gmork from The NeverEnding Story, a pirate with guyliner, a red knight with horns on his helmet dual-wielding swords, a pegasus, and sword POV shots. What did we as a species do to deserve Chris Dane Owens?
Speaking of our Mr. Owens, he has a rather hefty amount of TV and film production experience alongside his musical career, which I didn’t know about when I first listened to his music. He’s made shows and movies for Animal Planet, Lifetime, Twentieth Century Fox, Lionsgate, the list goes on. According to IMDb, he and his business partner Jerry Biederman have “created more than 300 original concepts for reality series and have sold an impressive 80 formats to networks and production companies in Hollywood and abroad.” I always just figured he was solely a rock and roll guy with a suspiciously large amount of money (I theorized he might have made a deal with the Mafia or something), but he’s got a lot of fingers in a lot of entertainment industry pies. It makes so much more sense now that the production quality of the music videos is so good.
Another thing to note about Chris is that his dad was Gary Owens. This man may not mean anything to you if you’re under the age of fifty, but he was a radio personality and actor who was probably best known for being the announcer of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In, a sketch show from the late ’60s and early ’70s. He was also the original voice of Space Ghost, which is pretty much the winner of every “my dad is cooler than your dad” argument that has ever occurred during recess.
I suspect there might be some people reading this going, “well, everything you’ve just told me is pretty awesome, but it lacks the necessary amount of awesome for it to open my third eye. You got anything else?” Oh, don’t you worry. I saved the best piece of information for last. For you see……
THERE’S GOING TO BE A MOVIE!!!
Just when we thought this magical journey was over, Chris Dane Owens swoops down yet again like a goddamn superhero and gives us the greatest gift he could possibly give: A film based on the music videos! It’s called Empire Queen: The Golden Age of Magic. When’s it coming out? I have no idea. I’ve heard about a teaser trailer that’s supposed to drop from his YouTube page for years now, but it’s consistently pushed back. It’s happening, though! He posts updates on his Instagram, and there appears to be footage shot, pictures of the cast, sets, a poster, the whole shebang! It looks legit! I can’t find a Patreon or Kickstarter for it, presumably because he’s doing fine with funding, but if there were any way for me to donate to this, I would. Mr. Owens, if by the unlikely event that you’re reading this, what can I do to help get this movie made? I would never dream of rushing your process. I am a patient man. I just want to give my support. Is there somewhere I can donate money to your production? Do you need a kidney? I have two. I can get a third. Don’t ask me where I got it.
GIMMIE, GIMMIE, GIMMIE, GIMMIE, GIMMIE!!!
There’s a layer of tragedy that comes with Chris’ creations, however. I genuinely believe that the videos and music he’s made, along with his movie that’s currently in production, should be known and seen by everyone. Chris Dane Owens and his creations should be synonymous with Tolkien and The Lord of the Rings, Rowling and Harry Potter, Lewis and The Chronicles of Narnia. Every man, woman, and child in America should know his name, even if they haven’t personally ingested his work. But sadly, this isn’t the case. To be clear, he’s not entirely unknown. He’s done great work as a producer, his music has gained traction over the years, especially on the internet, and you’re likely to hear of him if you’re a fantasy, production, or music dork like me. But If you’re just some casual Joe Schmo with no significant interest in either music or fantasy, you’re very likely to miss him. Whenever I’m with family or friends and bring up Chris Dane Owens, they have no idea who I’m talking about, which is a shame at best, and a crime at worst. Last I checked, the original Shine on Me only has a mere million views, which is a fine number, but it’s not NEARLY enough. What we have here is a man with real talent that has spun straw into gold like a sexy rock and roll Rumplestiltskin, and he’s not given nearly enough credit for it. I’m not making an “it’s so bad it’s good” claim here. His videos are good because they’re GOOD. I am fully aware that they’re ostentatious, overstuffed, chaotic, and chockfull of cheese, but they have excellent production values for an independent studio, have genuinely entertaining songs, and they have a passion and energy to them that’s infectiously charming. Who cares if they’re cheesy? The cheese is DELICIOUS.
Please do yourself a favor and watch his videos. And for the love of Pratchett, follow him on social media and spread his name around! Do whatever you have to do. Play nothing but his music during holiday get-togethers! Get on a bridge over the freeway and do a Rocky Horror Picture Show-style reenactment of Shine on Me! Hack the sound system at a hockey game, put Light Speed on blast, and then ask everybody if they believe in miracles for an extra measure! Do SOMETHING to get this guy the recognition he deserves! If we do that, I believe that we would achieve true justice as a society and possibly even world peace. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The Bard of the Reel 